nuXmas

Jickle here, I know it has been nearly a year, but things have been, um, complicated. My Brother has been missing for a while, and I have the pleasure of taking care of the Shadow Santas. This has been, shall we say, challenging. Nevertheless, we’re celebrating Thanksgiving together. Of course, 5 minutes after I snapped this picture they ate all the food, and then gobble gobbled the entire table to bits. Joy.

So friends, the day after has come – and for you younger elves, I don’t mean the bad, made-for-tv, nuclear apocalypse movie.

We fought a good battle, but it takes more than one battle to defeat the numbness of the masses. Let us remember, people don’t know any better – they all think this is as good as it gets. Well, it is my personal mission to show them something better.

You, my friends, have had a glimpse of the future. You have seen what
Nu Xmas can bring: great things like a paradigm shift in the gifting experience, thanks to the Gift-O-Max 6000. Imagine one of these in every mall around the world, baby!

On this day, this very sad day, I declare – don’t mourn for what could have been, instead, celebrate what shall yet come to be!

This is not the end, this is day one.

We just laid the groundwork. The cement just got poured. We just planted the seeds. The paint is barely wet…

In 365 days, the revolution continues! So, stay tuned…

I must leave you now, I have to go visit my Brother in the hospital – a little gifting gone bad (see below).

Watch and see how Nu Xmas will revolutionize gift-giving forever!

My friends, you’ve heard the call! Now that you’ve arrived here by the millions, you are probably asking this very question… What is Nu Xmas?

I know you… You are sick of candy canes and sugar plumbs. Tired of cutesy-ootsey gingerbread houses in malls with fake elves. Exhausted with tinsel, and the foul smell of mistletoe (it does stink when you get close)… But mostly, at this time of year, you’re questioning the notion of that old pudge in red jammies breaking into your house, eating your cookies, and maybe leaving a few gifts. I am questioning this too.

Make no mistake, I do not question his existence. He is very real indeed, friends. I have spent many a night conversing with this very real man. You see, until recently, my company had a major contract with (Santa) Claus and Associates. We were about to sell him on an idea that would revolutionize the holiday, but his people passed on the entire project. Yes, not even Claus himself could pick up the phone and give me and my brother the news. Instead, it was his people.

So was born this grass roots campaign. If they are too short sighted to see the future, then I will bring the future to them, and shove it right in their faces!

Let it be known that I am not against Christmas. Not at all. I am just rebranding it for a new, cutting edge generation! This is a 24/7, streaming, beaming consumer world. We simply can’t entrust an old man (who has sadly lost his vision and some of his mind) with our holiday!

Nu Xmas is like Nu Metal or New Coke, but it doesn’t suck egg nog. It is plastic and steel rather than silver and gold – cutting edge present manufacturing and distribution, rather than a dirty old sack of gifts – it is simply the future, rather than the past.

Stay tuned this week, as we are about to release new footage showing you some of the amazing technology we’re developing – it will rock your jingle bells off. 

Hello fellow holiday revolutionaries! Here’s a new clip that was shot during rehearsals for our Nu Xmas Holiday Special. As you’ll see, things were coming along very well. Unfortunately, my partner felt that the whole project was “misguided and dangerous”. Funding was pulled shortly after this video was taken, so the special may never happen, but the dream shall live on!

The battle lines have been drawn. Santa is going down…